Melanie woke up very early in the morning and was still shocked by her conversation with Michael Massey. She decided she needed to take a drive to help gather her thoughts. The beach sounded like a perfect place to go and there wouldn’t be many cars along Pacific Coast Highway, the road that runs up and down the beach in southern California. After filling her car up with gas, she drove the speed limit to the beach. Much of the time in southern California you have to drive under the speed limit because of traffic. Today, she rolled her window down and let the cool breeze flow through her hair. When she arrived at Huntington beach, she was hungry, so she stopped at a liquor store for a coke and a candy bar. She walked out of the store and there were dark clouds forming over the horizon. The skies reflected her mood perfectly.
Since the weather was overcast and it was early in the morning there were not that many people on the beach. There was no rain however and she thought it would be a perfect time to park the car and take a walk. There were a few bicyclists on the boardwalk and a few joggers by the ocean. Usually, the beaches in southern California are a contradiction. The water, the sand, the blue skies were so peaceful but there were so many people you couldn’t find serenity on the weekends.
As she was walking, she thought about Jay and his father. Why did that man make her so mad? He knew she had just gotten engaged, and he had the nerve to ask such an obscene question. He was just trying to piss her off, but in her mind, it was beyond rude. When she got back to her car, she decided to call her mom.
“Hi honey,” her mom answered.
“Hey,” Melanie responded.
“You don’t sound well. Is anything wrong?”
“I kind of got in a fight with Halle’s father last night.”
“Really. What happened?”
“His son asked if he could see me naked. When I told his father, he then sarcastically asked if he could too. Oh! He makes me so mad! I had heard him talk this way before to other girls but never with me. And then to be so proud that his son said it to me just makes me so mad I could scream."
“How old is the boy?”
“I don’t know exactly. Around six or seven.”
“What did Halle say?”
“She got called into work and had to go. I haven’t talked to her yet. After he said it, I left and went home to bed.”
“I wouldn’t worry about it too much. You got a lot of good things going on.”
"Yeah, I know, but I need to talk to Donny before we really go through with it.”
“What are you referring to?”
“I better talk to Donny first and I’ll talk to you later.”
“Alright, call me when you’re ready.”
“I love you.”
They hung up. Her mom was right. Michael Massey and his son was only a small problem, like trying to rake leaves on a windy day. The bigger problem was Donny’s proposal. Like any other girl she wanted to enjoy the moment, but she knew what she had to do. It wouldn’t be fair for either of them to pretend it never happened. If she didn’t tell him their relationship would always be a part lie. Being the romantic girl that she is, a lie wasn’t acceptable.
“Honey,” she called Donny on her cell phone.
“Hey.”
“I figured you would be home.”
“Where are you?”
“I’m at the beach.”
“What are you doing there?”
“I thought I would just take a drive. The beach is where I ended up. Can you meet me at my house?”
“Yes, of course. Are you coming over now?”
“Yes. I’ll be there in forty-five minutes.”
She pulled up to her apartment and rolled up the window. She saw that Donny was already there. When she got out of the car, she thought she saw someone staring at her through the window of the apartment across the way, but she didn’t want to keep looking so she walked inside without thinking about it.
“Hey.”
“Hey.”
Donny could see the look in her eyes. “What’s wrong?”
She walked over to the kitchen table and sat down. He followed her and sat down without taking his eyes off of her. She was praying that somewhere in the past he had made a mistake too and they both could say it was a long time ago.
“There is something I have to tell you.” Tears were welling up in her eyes.
“What? You don’t want to get married?” he asked her in a state of shock.
“No. I mean I do, but I need to tell you something first.”
“What?”
She just looked at him knowing that sooner or later he would know what she was trying to say. The tears were coming out full force.
“What?”
She didn’t respond.
“What?" he said more aggressively, “Did you have an affair or something?”
She barely shook her head yes.
“You didn’t?” he said offended.
She just stared as the betrayal was infiltrating his soul.
“You didn’t?” the betrayal was turning to hatred.
“How could you?” The glass he was holding broke into little pieces. He stood straight up and with the force of a tidal wave coming down he swung his elbow onto the glass kitchen table. It shattered as Melanie screamed, “Donny! Stop!”
“I hate you.” He had a look she had never seen before.
He was walking toward her, wanting to hit her but refrained. His jaws tightened and he turned around and walked away. He knew he had to leave now, or he’d kill her.
“Donny don’t go. It was a long time ago.”
“If it happened while we were together, it wasn’t that long ago.”
“Donny please!”
She was chasing him out the door. He was at his car when Melanie’s neighbors were at their windows looking and listening to their argument. The both heard and saw Donny as he said, “I’m going to kill you bitch!” He got in his car and drove off.
Marco was across the yard and saw the whole thing. Better yet he heard it. With the words they were using their relationship was definitely over.
“Did this mean a change of plans?” he wondered. Maybe he could gain her affections again. If it didn’t last forever, he still felt that he deserved another semester with her. He would be happy being her rebound guy. He sat there with a smile on his face as he imagined going to the movies with her and doing all those things they used to do.
Melanie was cleaning her house from all the broken glass. As she was sweeping it up, she would go back and forth between sobbing and silent tears. “He’ll come back,” she cried. When she couldn’t take the loneliness anymore, she decided to call a friend.
The phone rang several times when Halle finally picked it up. Melanie was relieved and told her the whole story.
“I can’t believe you never told me.”
Halle loved real life drama and wanted to hear just as much about who Melanie had an affair with as she did about whether Melanie and Donny would get back together.
“It was this guy at school. It was only for a few months while Donny was in the army, and I was away for my first semester. It was bad enough when he went away to the gulf, but when I moved down to San Diego, I had no friends or family. I couldn’t stand it."
“What he needs is a cooling off period. After a few days you guys have to talk. Whether that means you’ll be getting back together or officially ending it I don’t know. You will get to talk to him again though.” Melanie was crying hysterically.
“I sure hope so. It was only that one time, and it was in the past. I love him so much. I just wish he would try to understand what I was going through.”
“I think he will. He just needs some time to let out his anger. You have to admit you would have been mad if he had done it to you?”
“I was thinking I had hoped he did too. Then we could forgive each other and I wouldn’t have to feel so guilty.” She started sobbing again. “I don’t see how we could ever be together again. If he thinks he has forgiven me now, it will probably pop up again later. He broke my whole kitchen table.”
“What?”
“I’ve never seen him so mad. It’s in a thousand little pieces in the trash can.”
“You’ve got to be kidding. Did he hurt you?”
“No, but he wanted to. I could see it in his eyes. If there were no laws against murder, I’d be dead right now. I guarantee you that.”
“This changes everything,” Halle said. “You don’t deserve violence. We both know he will bring it up again in the future, but since he’s shown a propensity towards violence now, he would probably be that way again. You have to really think about this.”
“Yeah.” It was overwhelming for Melanie.
Halle could tell she didn’t want to talk about it anymore so she changed the subject.
“Tell me about this guy?”
Melanie told her everything. Halle knew where he lived back then, what he looked like, and what social activities and jobs he held while she was with him.
“What, asked Halle? You didn’t tell him you weren’t coming back?”
“No. I just didn’t go back the following semester after Donny came home.”
“Ooohh, Halle said dramatically. This may mean there are two people who may want to hurt you.”
Melanie responded. “Actually, there are three. She told Halle about her disagreement with her father.”
“You have to forgive my dad. You know how people can get?. I’ve slept with eight guys and six of them I’ve regretted, because it happened when I was drinking.”
“I know what you mean.” She didn’t.
They talked a little while longer and then hung up the phone.
Trying to think about something besides Donny, Melanie wondered about Halle, her dad, and little Jay. She really felt like Mr. Massey is wrong, but she would hate to confront him again. If she did, she might lose Halle as a friend. On the other hand, Jay was probably being damaged by his father’s behavior. She walked over and took the bag out of the container to take to the trash outside when the phone rang.
“Hello. Hello?”
There wasn’t anyone responding on the other line.
“It was probably one of those delayed telemarketers,” she thought. She hung it up.
As she was picking up the bag the phone rang again. She immediately dropped the bag and stared at the phone. Slowly, she fearfully walked over to it and picked up the receiver again. “Hello,” she gently spoke.
She only could hear breathing.
“Hello. Who is there?” No one answered. She hung up the receiver and took the trash out. There were plenty of people walking around so she felt safe. When she was walking back, she looked across the road at the apartment building directly in front of hers. It seemed like someone was staring at her through the blinds. She squinted to see, but really couldn’t tell. As she walked through her front door and shut it, she looked out her own window to see if anyone was looking.
“Three people may want to hurt me?” She wrote a few notes on a piece of paper and hid it under a cushion under the couch, and then she looked at the phone, hoping it wouldn’t ring again.
-------------------------
Donny was at home. He drank a couple of beers before he got into his car and drove. When he got to the Mechanicsville gun shop he somberly walked up to the door. He was only inside for 15 minutes when he walked out with a 22 caliber handgun. It was one of the most powerful ones available, and the salesclerk said it would cause immediate destruction on whoever got in its way.
“Perfect,” Donny thought to himself.
Donny knew what he had to do. He kept thinking. “How could she waste years of my life? If she would have told me after it happened, I could have gotten on with the rest of my life. What a selfish human being!”
He turned into his parent’s house where they talked to him.
“Just ask what happened? Only you can decide if you want to forgive.” They kept telling him things he already knew. At first he hated it, but eventually he started feeling better.
“Maybe I should try to talk to her.”
After he left his mom looked at his dad “I’m worried about all those things he was saying at first. You don’t think he would really kill her, do you?”
“No,” responded his father. “It’s not like he has bought a gun or anything.”
When Donny made it home he turned on the television. Before he called Melanie he had a frozen dinner and drank a couple more beers. He wasn’t sure if he could talk to her sober. He was sitting there in the dark. His emotions kept going back and forth. He missed her and wanted to hold her, but he was also a proud man. In his mind were all those questions he wanted to ask her. “Who was the affair with? Was it just one person? How long ago was it and how long did it last?” He had to know these things. Maybe it happened so long ago he would be able to forget it. Maybe it was at the beginning of their relationship when they weren’t really exclusive?
His mind was in torment as he wondered if this is what hell felt like. He called.
“Hello.”
“Mel.”
“Hi.”
“I’m sorry for the way I acted. I’ll buy you a new kitchen table.”
“Don’t worry about it.”
“I’m also sorry for yelling.” As he said this he wondered if she would say it too.
“I’m sorry too. It was the biggest mistake of my life. I was unfair to you and wish I could take it all back. I feel like I’ve hurt you so much and that I have ruined your life forever.”
“I want to know who?”
“A guy I met down at college. You don’t know him.”
“What’s his name?”
“You don’t know him. I don’t think it is a good idea,”
“I want to know his name dammit! I deserve that!” He was getting madder.
“Marco.”
“What does he do?”
“I don’t know. I haven’t seen him in years.”
“You haven’t talked to him since college,” Donny asked in disbelief?
“No! I promise.”
“When did it start, and end?”
“In my fall semester at school. I was lonely. You were away in the gulf and I didn’t have any family or friends down there.”
“Like that is an excuse. I was lonely in the gulf too. Not only didn’t I have my family or friends, but I was risking my life everyday for my country. I guess I was risking it so you could be free to screw your boyfriend!”
“Donny!”
“Instead of coming up with excuses you should say you’re sorry.”
“I know. I am sorry. Believe me, I would take it all back if I could.”
“When did it end?”
“When you came home I ended it. I really didn’t want to be with him, so I just didn’t go back to school.”
“So that’s why you didn’t go back to school. Did you tell him about me?”
“Yes. All the time. I told him we would get married someday.”
“It probably made him happy. I hope you were calling out my name when you two were in bed!”
“Donny, please don’t make this harder on me than it already is.”
“You just told him I was coming home, and you ended it?”
“I didn’t tell him. I just didn’t go back to school.”
“He never tried to get into contact with you again?”
“Never! I swear! I haven’t seen him in years. I never told him where I lived because our relationship wasn’t very meaningful.”
“You are not making me feel better just because you used him for sex.”
Donny I wasn’t just using him for sex. I told you I was lonely. Please try to understand where I am coming from.”
“When I came home you stayed with me in my hospital room every night. I don’t know about you, but I thought that was the time we really bonded. It was when I knew for sure that I wanted to marry you.”
“Me too,” Melanie sincerely said.
“So, our most special time was right after you had an affair?” The pain was devouring both of them.
Melanie, full of guilt, said yes. She started crying hysterically. She kept saying how sorry she was.
Donny just kept interrogating her to see if he could find some understanding. In his subconscious he was looking for those words that would bring peace back into his life. One hour went by on the phone with her and then a second. There seemed to be no life line out for him even as he was at the end of his rope.
“I haven’t decided what I’m going to do. You have hurt me so badly that I just don’t know if could ever forgive you. I’m going to try. Maybe we could go to counseling or something. Since you only did it only once, and it was so long ago, maybe we can get over this hurdle.”
“Donny?"
“What?” he said angrily for interrupting him.
She was fighting back tears.
“I don’t think we can get back together.”
“What?”
“I don’t think we can get back together.”
“I haven’t decided yet, but I am going to try and forgive you.”
“That’s not what I mean. I don’t think I can get back together with you.”
“What are you talking about? I didn’t do anything wrong!” he answered with a scream.
“Donny, I have never seen you this angry. I’m afraid of you. This is bound to come up again even if you say you forgive me, and what is going to happen then? What would you break then? If you acted like this when we had kids, they would be troubled for life. I love you. I will always love you, but, it’s over.”
“This is not my fault!”
“I know it’s not. It is all mine. I’ve betrayed you and maybe would have responded just like you if it had happened to me. All I know is that we can’t go on from here.”
Donny felt his heart sink even deeper. He was already in quicksand trying to get out, but the harder he tried the deeper he sank. Melanie put him out on the edge of his lifeline with her cheating, and instead of giving him a helping hand, she just cut it. His life was over, and he felt rage. Somebody has said that the reason the devil works so hard at destroying the lives of people on earth is because he has no hope left.
“So this is how it’s going to be. You treat me like shit and then you act like it is my fault.”
“It is not your fault Donny. It is mine. I just don’t think this is the kind of thing that you or anyone else can easily forgive.”
“Shouldn’t I be the judge of whether I choose to forgive?”
“It’s just not possible while you are with me. When you move on with your life and find someone new, I will fade. It’s not going to happen until you move on.”
“
"So, just like that it is over?”
“No, not just like that. I just think every time you look at me now you are going to want to hate me. I really don’t blame you, but it’s not going to be conducive to marriage.”
Donny listened. He knew she meant every word and there wasn’t any reason to fight with her any longer. He thought he understood her, but he didn’t. She had cheated on him and then expected him to respond as if he were an altar boy. She is saying that she thought she knew him, but his outburst of anger was too much for her. She rejected him by cheating on him and now she is rejecting him again. If she was surprised at how angry he had been earlier, she would be horrified at how angry he really can get.
They had known each other for twelve years, four as friends and eight as lovers. Every year represented a defining moment. Every year he suffered, she would have to pay the price. Did that mean twelve minutes of pain? He hoped not. Twelve hours of suffering sounded a whole lot better. Twelve hours for twelve years sounded like a fair exchange. She was getting the better end of the deal for wasting his youth and early adult years. He wondered what it was like to be gagged and tortured while wanting to scream? Excruciating! That was the only word that comes to mind. He looked at the apartment key she had given him years ago, the gun he just bought, and an old bat he had when he played baseball back in school.